Let the stories begin!

747 - and we were on final approach into JFK.   We were coming in from Athens, and almost the entire e zone was filled with Laotians refugees, no English, all dressed in very stiff new western wear (these people are just out of the rice fields and use to wearing very soft, plyable clothing).
These were the days when you would take off your uniform pants, and put on your smock.   Well I was in the back area where duty free was sold getting ready to put my pants back on, smock off. So basically I am standing in the back with only a blouse, lacey undies and my panty hose.   Suddenly I hear a lav door open - this very ancient asian man (with about 4 teeth total) comes struggling out of the lav trying trying to figure out how to zip up and button his brand new, very stiff levis.
He sees me trying to get my pants pulled up (fast). so he has now assumed that this is the official dressing room.   Well he watches me button and zip up my pants.   then he looks at his pants and a light bulb goes off - button, then zip.
As I could see he needed so assistance I help him with the zipper detail.   Buttoned and zipped - he then gives me this very wide, toothless smile and bows - so I bow back - then he bows again etc.
All I could think of was what is someone from the crew just happened to be bounding back in time to see me and this man buttoning, zipping and bowing. Kaye

 

Years ago we had the Blue Chip flights to ORD.   The service consisted of a tapper keg of beer and Deli sandwiches from the Stage Deli.   Tapping the keg in a pressurized cabin was a treat in itself, but that is not the central theme here.   At the time we had those summer uniforms made of Treveira Polyester - you know the brown, blue or green jackets with the dress that had the little tie at the neck and the tattersoll plaid skirt with the sauna belt.   Remember this is the early 70’s the skirts were short and I was young and thin ( those of you that didn’t know me then won’t believe this, but I weighed 108)
OK - so we successfully tap the keg, place it on the old in aisle service cart, put the sandwiches on the second and third shelves and proceed down the aisle.   If you recall the original polyester for clothing had the bendability of cardboard - this comes into play soon.   I was working the tail end of the cart and we started from the galley in the back of coach on the old 707 domestic airplane.   The roast beef sandwiches were on the bottom shelf and the pax who were 99% men in those days kept asking me for the roast beef which necessitated my bending over to retrieve them from the bottom of the cart.   After the fifth or sixth time I became suspicious - at that point, in the bent over position, I turned my head to look behind me and noticed all the heads were tilted out into the aisle and not burried in the newpapers as usual.   I wondered why I felt a draft and then I realized that my treveira polyester miniskirted uniform dress did not bend, although I did - so it stuck straight out and gave a good view - luckily my mom raised me to always wear clean, pretty underwear in case I got hit by a car and had to go to an emergency room   - I shouldn’t be embarrassed. Remaining in the bent over position, I simply shouted to the men enjoying the view, “ Having fun boys”.   Well that got the heads back into the newspapers for the rest of the flight.   Moral of the story - always embarass others more than they embarrass you!! Karen     

It was the mid sixties and I was 20 years old.   I was working a breakfast flight on a 707 in F/C.   We had 17 pax.   The galley girl asked me if I would take orders.   I said sure.   She said the omelets go first, there is always a problem with the alternate.   As usual in those days F/C consisted of all business men.   When I returned to the galley I told her I had no problem.   I only needed 10 of the omelets and all 7 of the quickies.   She said WHAT. I told her I needed all 7 quickies.   She informed me they were called quiche.   I looked out into the cabin.   I saw 10 pouting, grumpy faces waiting for their omelets and 7 happy expentant faces waiting for much more. Diane

 I had been flying about 2 months, my flying partner about 4 mos. We were on a 707 working in the back. A male pax came to the back to go to the lav and suddenly fainted. We got the Oxygen on him, my flying partner said “Call the cockpit to let them know.” This being my first first aid emergency I was all shook up. I called the cockpit, the F/E answered “Boiler Room”- I said “This is Karla, we’re administering Oxygen to a Pax in the rear!” Slight pause and the reply was “Honey, try his mouth"! Karla

And one more...........
Tel Aviv - boarding - L1011 - the entire crew is up in F/C dining on our humus and tahini, paying absolutely no attention to the agents as they purposefully “board” a very unique elderly woman.
en-route to Paris - we are now in the aisle serving hot meals when I get to the “pre-board”.   I ask her what she wants to eat - and she bursts out screaming at me in a language that was not Hebrew.   I ask the Pax’s sitting next to her what she wants and they respond with “we have no idea who she is - she was seated when we boarded”.   uh-oh!
Further inspection, not only is this woman ranting is some other language - we take notice that she is also “blind”.   - oh great.
Moving on....one of the more caring F/A’s   (natch - not me) takes a meal to the galley, cuts up the food into tiny bites and begins to hand feed her.   Guess Grandma didn’t like our home cooking - as she begins to spit the food all over the place, pax, seatback, the F/A.   Ok granny - so you don’t like the meal....
and the story continues.......
As I am walking down the aisle, the FSM grabs me and says he needs help with the woman - she needs to use the lav.   By this time we had discovered she spoke Italian (and so did the FSM-whew).
I pray all we will have to do is to drag her to the back to the lavs despite all of her loud rating and protests. Of course the entire A/C was well aware of “princess charming”.  
We get the woman back to the lav and the FSM proceeds to describe the facilities and where everything is located - our plan - quick close the lav door and pray some more.   Not to be the case.......as the FSM is doing his best to assist - he suddenly looks at me with very wide eyes and says; “oh shit we have a problem”!   Huh?   What kind of a problem could we have at this point.
She is wearing something....Wearing what....what is a “something”? Diapers!  
Yikees - (as he looks at me hoping my motherly instincts will kick in).   In protest I banter back; “Oh no, not me....I have NEVER change a real babies diaper - let alone some 85+ year old woman (who is now screaming and crying in Italian).   Get one of the mother’s on board back here, make an announcement to see if her family is hiding in a closet or something, get a nurse - DON’T GET ME!!!!!!
To the rescue another F/A shows up, now 4 of us are trying to fit into the lav all focused on diaper detail.......and as always just as we have dropped her “drawers”   we hit an airpocket, the plane starts hopping around like the Easter Bunny..........and granny is grabbing at any body part she can find (our body parts to be exact).
and this adventure is not over yet..........
Granny says she is going to “Napolis”   (which we hope is a side street in Paris.)   Digging through her bags, finding her tickets,   we discover that “Napolis” is actually INDIANAPOLIS and she has two plane changes once she reached New York.......not to mention immigration and US Customs, esculators and a transfer to the domestic terminal........piece of cake...NOT!
And can you just imagine the eager anticipation of some dear, loving relatives in “Napolis” as Granny is on the way for many weeks and months of warm, lovely conversation.   Talk about family “dumping” - Tel Aviv to Napolis.
We notified the Paris operations we had a problem (that was after we got the cockpit to stop laughing), and they needed to make a decision about what to do with “Granny”.   Paris was not too pleased with their role in our little drama (they thought we might offer to take her to our hotel rooms and then escort her to New York tomorrow - nice try guys).   And you should have seen the Paris outbound crew.......................mutiny on the L1011.
Not sure what ever happened to Granny - we thought that Paris should send Granny back to Tel Aviv because she was not able to travel alone (now did we think some Tel Aviv agent got his pockets lined that day-so what else is new!).   Call the family and hire a nurse in Paris to travel with her, make someone from the family come to Paris to escort her, find a taxi and make up some address,   the ideas began to flow.............
To this day I never did find out how Granny survived. Kaye   

IIn early 80’s, flying JFK to Europe -long nites. After visiting the 747 First Class lav, I walked thru the entire cabin back to my “E” position........ with my pant fly open-my white shirt tail sticking out,erect at a 90 degree angle. Didn't realize it, till I reached the back of the 747, and all had a good laugh- I still swear to this day, that I AM a girl (woman)-LOL. It was a starchy shirt!! 747’s were great for hiding, when you needed too!   Susan

How about Pax getting embarrased. Had 4 Male Paxs traveling together- it was this one guys turn to buy the drinks. He pulled out his wallet to get his money out and along with the bills a very well traveled condom (never used) fell on the floor! I had a ball with that, “See you haven’t had much luck in a few years” I said. His buddies died with laughter, we all razzed him the entire flight- I bought him drinks. And I wished him luck when I checked seat belts for landing. He was very embarassed! Karla

I was commuting from Orlando. there were flights almost hourly to JFK and LGA. I was new so i collected matches from all of the hotels and kept them in that plastic zipper pocket in the old crew kit. I must have had 50 or more in there. I boarded the flight to JFK. I sat down in the last row of first class. The agent came on and said she didnt get my ticket from me and asked me to give it to her quickly so she could close the door. I thrust open my bag ad started rifling through it and grabbed the ticket. I gave it to her and within a few minutes I could smelll   Burning. I’m looking all over. Luckily theres only a few people in First Class 2 rows ahead of me. I look down and I see smoke coming from my crew kit. When I shuffled through the bag for the tickets I ignited the matches. I threw my on ground drink into my crewkit and slammed it closed. I see the flight attendants walking through the cabin sniffing.   About 10 mins the captain comes on and says “Ladies and gentleman we we ready to leave but we have a sulphur smell that we cant isolate on the aircraft. Mechanics will be on shortly” Im still on probation and Im saying “Holly s_it’ WHat now? So stupidly I waited too long to say anything. I didnt want to go up an hour later and say “you wont beleive this but...” So I gathered my bag and said “I think Im gonna go take the LGA flight next door. Have a good day. “ When I arrived at LGA I found that they had cancelled that flight. i think the statute of limitations is over now, so its now safe to tell that story...I feel Thank you for so much better now   lol Susan

    We were newhires, and it was   the good ol’ days of paycards, and when “A” had to go up to the cockpit and get the captain’s name, flight time and cruising altitude from the F/E. She went up to get the info, and when she asked the captain his name, he told her, “Well, I’m Captain Garue, G-A-R-U-E, but believe it or not, there are actually TWO Captain Garue’s working for TWA. So when you make your announcements, be SURE to use my first name as well as my last.” So the girl reassured him that she always uses the both the captain’s first and last name in her announcements, and asked him what his first name was. He said, “It’s Ken.” So out she goes, and when the plane pushed back, she dutifully got on the PA and said (if you haven’t figured this out yet, read this next line out loud), “Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Captain Ken Garue and his entire crew would like to welcome you...” Then she stopped, wondering why the entire cabin was laughing hysterically. She did a quick recap and realized what everyone thought she said. When she went back into the cockpit, they pointed out to her that the captain’s REAL name was on the paycard the whole time. I’m sure there were a lot of wisecracks about the first officer being Mr. Greenjeans on that flight! Jeff    
Let's see...It has to be the time when these two men were sharing a bag of the gourmet cashews.   I said “Oh, those are my most favortie nuts in the whole world!”   Being polite, one of the men offers me some.   I answered, “Oh, no thank you, sir.   I could never eat your nuts!”   I then realized what I had said and turned the deepest shade of red!   We all had a good laugh. Eileen   

I was working first class on a flight to DCA. I was finally at the last row taking drink orders. Well the joker in 5A couldn’t decide what he wanted to drink. While I ran through the menu, I held back my impatience.   It is such a short flight with a dinner service, so I tried not to rush him.   Finally, he just told me to “surprise him”. Next, find me in the galley, mixing up my magic potion.   I serve him the mysterious drink, watch him take a sip, then ask how do you like it? His reply, it’s really good, what is it called.....so I just look him dead in the eye and respond for everyone to hear....it’s a screaming orgasm, I thought you could use one. Needless to say the entire F/C cabin cracked up.   I had to mix several pitchers so everyone could try one. I still to this day cannot believe that I did such a thing, but then again........ Jean

I was flying the polar to LHR and was serving the bread and breadsticks in F/C. One lady pgr. asked what the breadsticks were. I replied with a smile - Italian chopsticks. A few minutes later I looked back into the cabin and saw her carefully eating her salad with the breadsticks. Jan

I was running late (always) and grabbed a laundry basket to take downstairs on my way to work. As I put down the basket, I heard a strange ripping sound. I looked around and did not see anything unusual. Fast forward to meeting my co-workers- 2 very friendly male f/a’s. After doing the demo, 2C (male passenger) says to me “excuse me miss, your left breast is exposed.” I looked down and saw that my wings had ripped my blouse (the laundry basket had gotten stuck on my wings-thus the ripping sound I had dismissed). The best part is that I ran into the galley and asked the other 2 f/a’s why they didn’t tell me. Their reply was that they were commuters and hadn’t been home in 5 days. As we were on a 4 day trip, they figured that was their only chance to see a breast in a while. If I told you their names you’d know this was a true story. Perverts can wear wings too! Robin

 

Since you mentioned male co-workers, I just had a flash back of one who was a lot of fun to work with, but you needed to be vigilant at all times. He loved to prank people. Somehow he always managed to booby trap the bar cart even though I’d be on high alert around him.
Once he hid all these tampax under the napkins on the cart, so that when I grabbed some napkins, they all went flying all over the passengers. People were so polite and gathered them up for me, grinning ear to ear. One even ran his call bell a few minutes later when he found another one in his empty shoe.
This same guy mooned me from the back while I was doing my announcements---to say I lost my train of thought would be putting it mildly--guess I should’ve been using those announcement cards...;o) Karin

Late one night on the last leg of a 4 leg day, an agent in STL came down the jet way at the last minute dragging a miniature passenger—what appeared to be a little boy of around 10. I think his name was Damien. She shoved him in the door, grimly said, “Lots of luck” and quickly shut the door.
Proceeding with caution, I put him in an open FC seat. Actually it took two of us to put him there ‘cause he started kicking, and screaming the moment we looked at him. One of us wrestled him down and the other one tried to buckle him up as the plane taxied into position. He successfully drowned out most of my PA announcements and I gritted my teeth as we took off with him standing up in his seat and throwing his gum at the businessman behind him and constantly dinging the call bell.
The flight was a living hell, but the crowning touch came during landing. On our final descent he made a quick dash and locked himself in the FC lav of the 727S. I quickly grabbed a metal dinner knife from the galley to unlock the lav door. I opened the door; he saw me standing there with the knife and proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs, “Somebody HELP me Please, she’s got a knife and is trying to kill me!!!
An entire plane of shocked passengers leaned into the aisle to see me standing there holding a knife in my hand. I was mortified; there I was obviously intent on mayhem. I should have just killed him anyway since he’d announced it to the world. The captain heard the entire commotion through the door and had police meeting the flight. As soon as the door opened the kid tried to bolt off—saw the police and careened back into the lav. Click.
I was drained and no longer cared. I said, “He’s all yours—lot’s of luck." Karin

Okay...On an all nighter one time years ago, I was working first class, totally packed and every last passenger was asleep. The lights were all the way off and I was walking through the cabin (doing my 20 minute check like a good stew) when I detected the most rotten of smells..it was an allnighter after all...Knowing that the coffee bag is the most versatile of air freshners, I walked back and forth through first class waving this coffee bag in the air furiously....suddenly I realized that the bag was getting lighter and lighter and then was empty. I quickly made my way back to the forward jumpseat to resume my..ahem..reading. When the lights were turned up for landing the whole first class section was sprinkled with ronocco. Grant

I have one of many. This one is a 1011 lav story too. I had just finished my crew break on a flight to Madrid. Passengers were all tucked in, some watching the movie and others doing whatever. I headed back to the rear lav to freshen up a bit before resuming “my duties.” Still in a daze I looked at the lock which said unoccupied. I placed my hand on the door knob to enter when a passenger asked me for water. I directed the passenger to the service center 2 area where there were others that could help her. I then just open the door and stepped in when I realized that there was a heavy set woman sitting on the toilet. What I hadn’t realized was that in stepping into the lav I actually stepped into her pants that were at her ankles.
She was startled and screamed which woke me right up. The problem was that in her scare she closed her legs with my right leg tangled all up in her pants and panties.
I tried pulling my leg out but her big thighs held me firmly in place. As I pulled I noticed that I was pulling her off the seat. I finally said we have to work together here ma’am, release my leg and i’ll step out. She turned all shades of red as I felt my blood pressure rise with embarrassment. later, we both smiled at each other with an uncomfortable familiar look. I of course told the rest of the crew who had a field day with it. Willie

Probably my most embarassing moment was in my first year of flying...I was 22 straight from the farm in Ala. very shy and easily embarrassed. I was working LGA-PBI L10, I’m sure ya’ll remember that one. I was in E-zone when a very kind of in your face, female New Yorker comes out of one of the back lavs, and tells me that the blue water has just splashed on her “woowoo”..(not her words) and what was I gonna do about it? Racking my brain to come up with something to appease her, and having just learned about the universal solution to everything, I quickly said in my southern drawl, “maam we could try some club soda." Grant

One day while on the bar cart Im going through doing drinks. I serve the lady on the aisle her drink and she says “I'd like a straw.” I said “Im sorry ma’am we dont have any” She said I see the little straws on your cart, just hand me one.” I said Ma’am really we dont have any” She said “Look this is real simple, just hand me one of those little red straws there that you have with the napkins”(pointing to the stirrods) and I said “ Ok Ma’am, but if you can suck anything though this I’de like to have your phone #. Sandy

Okay. Here’s one: I can’t remember the name of the condition (verbal dyslexia or something), but you know the one where you accidentally switch the first letters of two words in a sentence. I was doing the demo announcements once, and when I got to the seat belt portion of the show, instead of saying, “Be sure the fit is tight and low,” I said, “Be sure the TIT is FIGHT and low.” I heard what I said as I said it, but try as I might, I just couldn’t pull those words back out of the air before they hit everybody. From the roar of laughter, at least I knew that people were paying attention! Jeff

Back during the last time we hired, I had a DFW airport layover with a beautiful young blond new hire on her first trip and a nice older rather large senior lady. We decided to go down to the lobby bar for a drink. We’re all sitting there, me in the middle. A large latin man sat directly across from us with a smile from ear to ear. The older F/A says “He’s making me very uncomfortable the ways he’s staring holes through me.” My jaw dropped and I looked at the beautiful new hire, knowing that he was really staring at her and rolled my eyes. We giggled. A few minutes later the bartender comes over with a huge beer and sits in in front of us telling us its from the gentleman across the bar. Before he can even set it down the old F/A says “OK thats it. Take this back, tell that gentleman that I am married, I'm not that kind of woman and I don't appreciate him olgling me like he’s been doing” The bartender says to her “are you quite finished” she said “Yes quite.” He says in that case I need to tell you the drinks is not for you ...its for "him".......pointing to me....What a mess. She excused herself to her room and crawled out of there. Me an the new hire unfortuately had to spend a couple of hours at the bar with the Big latin man who thought he was impressing us with the fact that he was an Aeromexico Pilot... But he did buy all of our drinks! Molly

The one that sticks out in my mind was being a FSM on a L1011 SFO-JFK. A very tall man from Ambssador class came up to use the forward lav. He was standing by the phones. About 6’4” he was. I had a cart by the L1 door and was collecting $$$$ from a real cute blonde flight attendant that fit every blonde joke you have ever heard. My back was to the gentle giant. Well, the giant fainted...passed out..whatever. His back hit my back. I was thrust against the cart but bounced right off of that sucker while the big man kept falling. The landing position was my skirt about waist high and my legs straddling his neck. His glasses were askew and his eyes were rolling. I started shaking his face asking if he was OK. the blonde leans over the cart and says; "I think his condition would improve if you would get off his face!" That was when I realized what a picture we made. He requested we did not contact his wife about this. Donna

I had just a few months under my belt when I flew with a rather senior crew. We were on a 727 regular with the galley in the middle. I was “B” and had to sit in that row across from the galley with the passengers in my jumpseat. After we took off the senior girls were putting on their smocks and taking their skirts off! I was puzzled and asked them why they took off their smocks.They said it was so comfortable and so I tried it. The smock was the denim light blue button up one.So after a hectic dinner flight and just before landing I was standing in the galley got my jacket ,put on those landing lips and proceeded to unbutton my smock .It felt a little draft and looked down! I was standing in clear view of most of the mid section of passengers in my pantyhose and that stupid body suit blouse! I turned ten shades of red, buttoned up my smock, put my jacket on and then reliazed I had to sit in that jumpseat next to the row that got the best view. I never took off my skirt AGAIN! Kary

Commuting from SF0-JFK a pax dentures were found in the lav. Announcement after announcement and nobody claimed them. One f/a put them on a tissue on her hand and walked up and down the aisle a little show and tell. Finally deduced it might be an Asian family member..went up to grandpa and pointed at him and the dentures..yep! Jo Ann

On my very first flight, of course I was junior, so I got R1. Thinking I would be very “First Classy”, I opened a bottle of that yummy Delicato red wine and proceeded through first class carrying the entire bottle on a silver tray. I leaned over to take a window pax’s order and the whole bottle slid off and conked the aisle pax on the head. It came to rest on his right shoulder, upright, with the pax behind HIM having reached forward to catch the bottle mid fall. In the process he rewhacked the poor aisle pax on the BACK of the head, as he caught the bottle. The entire cabin was silent, watching the face of the whacked pax, who said nothing, even as I wanted to crawl out the drain in the galley. (Of course, he WAS wearing a white shirt, having removed his suit coat) I PROFUSELY apologized, then went back & loaded the cart to try again. Pushing the cart through 1st, we hit turbulance & that DAMN wine bottle fell off the cart and totally poured onto the carpet, running all the way into coach. You’d have thought it was a gallon of Gallo, as much wine that ran out of that stupid bottle. Well, by this time the cabin was in tears from laughter, from the look of shock on my face and then the entire first class (to a person) asked for RED WINE! They said it smelled so good on the floor, it MUST taste better in a glass. They were all quite jolly & cheerful by the time we reached our destination. After that, I most definitely always poured my wine in the galley, glasses half full. Sheila

Just thought of another ‘embarrasing’ moment. This story comes from a friend of mine.
He was working the meal cart and was chewing some “breath fresh’ gum, after having eaten garlic/onion.On the cart, serving hot meals, he asked the pax at the window, “ Would you like chicken or beef?”....and the gum flew out of his mouth - landing inbetween the legs of the sleeping pax on the aisle. After turning 3 shades of red, but maintaining his cool, he carefully reached between the sleeping pax legs to retrieve the gum......dont you know-the pax woke just at that moment......OMG!
My friend has a very deep southern accent,and said to the startled pax , “Scuse me , sir, but thars sum gum tween yur legs and I was tryin to git it before it messed up yur pants.” The professional my friend is, he followed thru and the pax ended up thanking him for a ‘wonderful’ flight upon deplaning. He had never recieved such great, caring service. Susan

I was flying Flight Service Manager on a 1011. We had just finished our LAX - DC turn. For those of you old enough, that flight was always a rush & always full so by the time we landed in LA, I was desparate to pee. This minute we touched the ground I ran into the lav. I finished, stood up, tucked my skirt hem under my chin while straightening my shirt tail, with my pantyhose around my knees. (Didn’t believe in undies) and of course I was facing the door when the man in 3H opened the door. He quickly closed the door & went back to his seat and there I stood thinking that there was no way I could come out. But...I still had to make the landing announcement & open the L1 door. So, I decided a sense of humor would be the way to go. I walked directly to his seat & whispered in his ear “Just don’t tell anyone that I’m not a natural blonde.” He burst out laughing and my guess is that he still tells this story too. Denae

 "Lately, it has been noticed that a few of the married hostesses have evidenced some indifference in their work. This may be because of the fact that more independence is felt. If the above conditions do not improve, it may be necessary to discontinue the policy of retaining the married hostesses in the company's employ. April 8, 1937"

We were flying an all-nighter LAX-JFK and had a passenger in first class who was blind.   Shannon had him on flights before and couldn’t stand him.   He would put head phones on and sing out loud while people were sleeping, drink heavily, and then stand around the galley listening to us and being obnoxious.   Well, I decided to try to make Shannon laugh.   There were a few of us standing by this man and I started to lick my lips and make Marilyn Monroe movements which included licking my finger and rubbing my breasts very provocatively.   It was getting pretty funny, the other flight attendants were really getting a kick out of it when the man said, “This is damn good first class service.”   I said in shock to Shannon, who has been dead pan the whole time,   “ I thought he was blind.”   Shannon says as she walks away, “Oh, he can see a little.”   I never came back to first class again even though I was R1. This falls under the category of never assume.   I’m still embarressed and it was at least 15 years ago.  Pamela

 

707 days.   I was standing at the front of the 707 coach cabin busy with the all important oxygen demo stuff when I looked towards the back of the cabin - coach galley area and I started to laugh.   My flying partner was in the aft of the A/C “mooning me!”   Well the passengers could see by my expression something was going on, so with a grand smile, I tactfully pointed my finger to ther rear of the A/C. Immediately all heads turned, aisle people had their heads hanging out followed with a great round of applause!  Needless to say   my flying partner finally realized she was now mooning about 80 people! Kaye

Well, I have another one too. I hesitated posting this in fear of someone getting offended, but it’s all in fun and my apologies in advance if it does offend anyone. Me 767 FSM. Fun crew all of us reserves to Paris. We all know that it’s very common in Europe to snap your fingers when you need “service.” A man sitting in the rear with proficient English kept snapping his fingers at one of my "girls". She totally ignored this passenger citing a quick lesson in “the American way.” I was briefed by the F/A about the situation and was told that she would handle the matter. (if you’re reading this girl I know you remember). The man kept snapping and snapping. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and went up to the passenger wobbling her head side to side with both hands on her hips. She looked directly at the passengers face and said “honey, it takes more than 2 fingers to make me come” and walked off. Every passenger who understood roared with laughter leaving the passenger dumbfounded. He demanded to speak to the head steward. I was briefed by the F/A again and went to face the passenger. Trying to keep a straight face I listened intensely with lots of eye contact. He complained about the fingering and when he was through, I said please don’t finger my girls on the aircraft. I pointed to the call bell and showed him how to operate the button. We had no further fingering incidents after that. Willie 

 Early one morning upon boarding a DC9, my flying partner was meeting and greeting and I was in the F/C galley. Approaching us, down the jetway came this tall, husky, biker type guy, sleeveless t-shirt, tatooed, longish hair (you get the picture) stops short of entering the aircraft, places his left hand on the fuselage, bows his head in short prayer. Saying a silent ‘Amen’,   with his first step ‘BONKS’ his forehead on the top of the door frame......hard! I know he saw stars!!! We asked if he was alright, gave him ice and watched him stagger to his seat. My flying partner and I looked at one another...and said at the very same time , unrehearsed, “God works in mysterious ways.” We cracked ourselves up. Suzanne

Anyway we were to go on to Hongkong but the next crew brought in a sick 707 that should have been repaired before it left LAX.   We cancelled and lost out trip and thus our HKG layover.   We stayed on our pattern and the crew that brought it in got to keep their HKG layover.   Anyway we were all furious including our cockpit crew.   A “debriefing” ensued in one room and a several phone calls were made to the now sleeping Capt. that brought it in.   This continued as our group consumed more ale.   As the day wore on Linda and I departed for the beach at the Continental Hotel and met up with our First Officer. While snorkeling we came up with the idea of plopping a sea cucumber on the doorstep of the sleeping culprit.   Stepping on one ends up a gluey sticky mess that is difficult to get off a shoe.   None of us wanted to touch the slimey thing so we found a forked stick and managed to carry it some distance to his bungalow and left it at his door.   In the meantime the debriefing continued with more now drunken calls being made to the pilot’s room. I was to meet two others for dinner and was at the front desk using the phone to call them when this  pilot came up to the desk asking if they had any suggestion for getting sea cucumber off your shoe as it seemed someone had placed one at his doorstep.   I made a quick exit at that point.   When we got back the office had put out a general bulletin “there will be no more harassment of crew members on layovers”   Linda and I laughed for years because we knew we weren’t suspects because of the rowdy debriefing.   The company never pursued it as our pilots were in on it as well.   Those were the days when we had plenty of time to get into mischief even on what had become a somewhat monotonous layover spot.   How stupid we were to think it would never end!   I think the statute of limitations has run out on this one too and both cockpit crews have probably flown west!  Jan

 Embarrassing is when you and your co-worker are unaware that the P/A is on (that old microphone type you had to push the button on the side to talk-it was between us while sitting on the jumpseat with time to spare prior to closing the door) and you’re quietly discussing b.j’s. Then a handsome man in first comes up and says, ”Ladies, you’re coming out on the PA.” I’m sure they had to strain their ears to hear it, but to have to stand out there and do the demo,and have all that testosterone watching you and wondering,”Is she the one who swa**&%@?” Very embarrassing!!! (every family has a black sheep-please don’t kick me out!) Camille 

We had an Arabic guy who was snapping his fingers at the 2 F/A’s in the back. They kept complaining to the FSM and said they weren’t going to go to him again, please take care of it. So the guy snaps his fingers again and the FSM, in his inemitable style, sat on the arm rest in front of him and asked how he could help him. The man said in a heavy accent, “I have been fingering your flight attendants all day, with no reaction!!” Joe said, “ I know how you feel, sir, I’ve been flying with them for 2 days and I haven’t gotten a reaction either.....” Everyone laugh and he just sat there not getting it.  Pam 

I was working L2 on MD80, an early departure STL-SJC, it was a light load and most pax were tired and quiet,   There was a little lady on her first flight (she proudly told me she was 87) and she was like a kid in a candy store.   She would walk up and down the aisle stopping to look out of every window.   She wanted “souvenirs” and I gave her some wings (then she helped herself to the silverware and coffee cup from her tray).  Jan

As a new hire in New York I was I was on the Q33   leaving from LGA at 11:30 pm after a long trip with another new hire from Georgia. Cute little thing with a very southern accent. She said she had never taken the bus before and was scrutinizing a sign on the wall. She was carefully leaning out into the aisle to make sure she didn’t miss her stop. She’s talking to me and in the middle of a sentence she yells out “ape please” ....   I stared at her and then she jumps and and yells at the driver “I said ape please, ape please!” He slams on the brakes  stands up and says “what the &^%^_ is your problem?” She said I needed  to get off at that last stop. Thanks alot and she storms off the bus into the rain. The bus driver looks at him cause I was sitting  with her. It was then that I saw the sign she was reading. On the sign that should have read”PLEASE PRESS YELLOW TAPE TO STOP. someone had blocked out letters leaving it to read ”PLEASE YELL APE TO STOP” Sally  

One of my first layovers was in London when I received what I later found out was my crew call. A woman said something to me which I asked her to repeat. She repeated again and I said “Miss I can't understand you, can you put someone else on the phone” A gentleman came on and told me it was my crew call. I said” Thanks I couldn't understand a word that lady was saying. Was she speaking english?” He said” Oh indeed she was Sir, the problem was you we’re hearing “it in American!!" Pat

 
Remember the wonderful services on our L1011’s?   One evening from JFK to LAX, I was working the F/C aisle and it was time to carve the roast.   (If you remember for a while we served a roast instead of the chateaubriand). This was one of those flights.   Some of you have probably heard this story - yes - it was me.   The roast was not as tender and easy to carve as the chateau was.   Yes, I carved it right off the end of the cart and onto the aisle pax lap. I grabbed the roast off of his lap whispering apologies. Then I grabbed the napkin which I had hooked on the end of the cart and started rubbing like crazy to clean up the mess I had made.   I noticed he started stretching out and I heard a moan.   I looked at his face, still apologizing.   He was panting.   His wife took off her headset and socked him on the side of his face calling him a nasty name.   I think there may still be an imprint of her   diamond ring on his face to this day. This is when I decided to start working galley.   I seemed to get into too much trouble in the aisles. Diane

"Observer's report The first remark is concerning your sitting on the desk in the radio room at Albuquerque and talking to the employees there. In the future, please do not sit on the desks in any company office. April 14, 1938"

Days of the lemonade service: F/A would fill a tray with empty styrocups and approach another F/A, faking ‘a trip’, with the cups going all over the unknowing F/A. You want to see someone flinch!!! During demo, F/A in aft, pads the rear of his pants with pillows, turns to his side so the ‘butt’ is really big & puffy, modeling for the f/a at the front of cabin giving demo. Making ‘teeth’ out of the top of styrofoam cups, sticking them under your top lip and giving a big SMILE!..........and when you really get punchy and bored, and don't care about your hairdo, taking a pillow case, drawing a funny face on it, cut holes for the eyes, slipping it on your head, turning you into...........‘the unknown flight attendant." Millie  

Does anyone remember the Capt that would sit in his seat for boarding and wear a blind persons glasses. The looks of the passengers as they boarded were priceless.They would be all smiles and then take one look at the Capt thru the cockpit window as they were stepping onto the aircraft. Once they saw him, their look was sheer terror. They would ask me questions and look so scared.I have never laughed so hard during boarding... Jennie

 

I hope this never ends!   My laughs for the day!   Here’s one I’ll tell on our Capt. in Cairo when we had the long layovers. He won’t mind as he told the story on himself for weeks afterward.   He had been given one of the suites over in the annex with the kitchen,   living room, bedroom, luggage room and bathroom.   When you wake up in the middle of the night, you can do alot of wandering to find the john.   In the process he missed the john, opened the hall door and found himself standing in the hallway naked as a jaybird with the door shut and locked.   There was no hall guard in sight and he wandered the hall in his nakedness looking for some way of getting out of this predicament.   He finally found a closet with old sheets and wrapped himself up in one until finally some hall person appeared to let him back into his room.   He told the story on himself the next day on the way to Riayad.   When we got back to Cairo very late, Ellie Shaub and I got some fig leafs off the trees that are in front of the Nile Hilton and after having a sandwich, went up to his room and slipped several fig leaves under his door along with a poem.   The next day he asked everyone who it was.   We played dumb.   We slipped fig leaves under his door every night until he was staying up watching so he could open the door on us.   We’d slip down a few doors and hide in the indented space and got away with it for several nights until one night he must have staked himself out right by the viewing lens and caught us.   We had him going most of the layover over these fig leaves! Jan 

A friend of mine had gained a little weight over the summer of 1990 and was called into the office to discuss the situation. She walked in for the meeting and was meet by a very snooty, very overweight herself supervisor. The supervisor spoke to her very condescendingly and told her how important it was to maintain her weight. How we had an image to uphold and she had to be sure to maintain positive self image. She then walked her over to a full length mirror and gazed into along side my friend and said   “OK I want you look into this mirror and tell me what you see. and you MUST be brutally honest in your answer... My friend thought for a minute then said “ Ok   I see two fat women.   The supervisor asked her to please leave and she was never contacted again. lol   Amy

One evening taking meal orders on the ground I came to the gentleman in 3a whose name was Peter Pfeiffer. I said “Mr Pfeiffer what can I get you this evening?” He said “My name is puh-feiffer...the P is not silent. I said “Oh OK Mr. Puh Feiffer would you like some Puh- food?   He didn't laugh. Kathy     Laurie..... Were you serving ‘pickled peppers’?  

I’m working L1 saying my buh-byes and thank-yews after landing in ABQ when two sweet grannies toddled up and asked, “How do we get to our cruise ship?”   Sharon   

 

While on probation status, I was working the first-class extra position to Paris.   One of my duties was pouring wine.   No wine basket, no problem, or so I thought!    Armed with champagne under my left arm, red and white wine in my right, out I go to face the thirsty F/C crowd. After pouring a glass of red wine to a male passenger seated in 3C (mind you, I am right handed and always pour with my right hand).  The passenger in 3A asked for a glass of white wine.  Now, the passenger in 3C was dressed in the brightest, snow-white linen suit, I had ever seen. 

To this day, I wonder why I just did not put the bottle of red wind on the floor.  Instead, I tucked the red bottle under my left armpit, leaned over to pour the white wine for the passenger seated in 3A.   I heard the sound, glug... glug…   glug… 

I looked down to see the red wine pouring into the crotch of the man dressed in the white suit.   I was in such shock!  All I did for a second was stare with my mouth open at his wine soaked pants, directly 2 feet below my eyes - as more continued to drip out of the bottle.  I finally gathered my composure, got out the “club soda’ and was flustered beyond belief!    Thank God, the man was wonderful about the whole thing.  He kept telling me not to worry.  He changed into another suit; I gave him tons of cleaning slips, and never heard a word about it again. I was so embarrassed!  Thank goodness, for the most wonderful and understanding passenger a flight attendant can hope to have on-board. Lore

I was flying to Alaska with Donnie G, my fellow flying partner.  When I was finished skipping down the aisle with pure joy and excitement (I was use to flying Springfield turns).   We started the beverage. service and of course, the ice was frozen solid with no ice hammer. What would every GOOD flight Attendant do?  You’ve got it; grab the nearest can of tomato juice. Well, this ice was similar to what the Titanic hit.  All the banging on the ice pierced a tiny hole in this highly pressurized can.  The tomato juice began to spew out in projectile fashion and landed everywhere!  Just the look on Donnie’s face makes me laugh whenever I think about it. Shannon

Shortly after TWA purchased Ozark Airlines, I was the Flt Sev. Mgr on a Lockheed 1011.  Making the welcoming announcement, I thanked everyone for flying Ozark.  I was so flustered, that after I hung up the PA to take my seat, I sat down without pulling the seat down.  There I am sitting there sprawled on the floor right in front of everyone! Thank goodness, the supervisor riding in first class saw the humor in it! Eileen

Here is another one; again on my favorite plane, the Lockheed 1011. Working a night flight in first-class, I noticed that someone had cleaned out the top drawer of the liquor cart.  I mean it was completely empty!  I recalled a gentleman passenger had just been in the coat closet going through his gigantic garment bag.  Later during the flight, this passenger fell asleep. I went into the coat closet and felt the outside of his bag.   Hmmmm… kind of lumpy, I thought.  I probably should not have, but I unzipped it and there were the contents of the liquor drawer. Can you imagine his surprise when he opened his bag later on and found it full of empty minis? Eileen

Tel Aviv at the Hilton, of all places - must have been in the 80’s.   We had just gotten back from dinner (and a little night clubbing as I recall), and was getting ready to turn in.   I was in my “teddie”, NOTHING on the bottom, and realized I had not put out the Do Not Disturb sign.   I opened the door a crack, reached around to put the sign on the knob and “whoosh” - there goes the sign and floats into the middle of the hall.   It was late, I looked BOTH ways, no one there and tried to reach out to pick up the card, my foot came off the door and it banged shut behind me!   So here I am, half naked in the middle of the hall and heared talking in the room directly across from me - I really thought it was my flying partner.   I banged on the door and finally this woman (didn’t know her from Adam - and non- english speaking) cracked to door and started to scream for her husband.   He grabbed the sheet off their bed and pushed it through the cracked door at me, realizing what had happened.   But NOT before he had called security before stripping his bed.   I wrapped the sheet around me as fast as I could, and as I was doing so, noticed four Israel soldiers about ten feet away with their sub-machine guns pointed at me! Meanwhile the man had called for another key for me and management came with it shortly after.   But before the soldiers left, one looked at me, said: “will you be back next week so we can “see” you   again?”   winked and left !   I was SO embarrassed, I traded out of the rest of my Tel Aviv’s for the rest of the month!   Lore

"Concerned observer; This concerns theway you wear your uniform cap. It was about an inch and half higher than the prescribed regulations. April 14, 1938"

Any of you remember those beautiful layovers in Zurich? The Hotel (a Sheraton, I think) was set at the base of mountains and woods and had a coral behind it where they kept cows.   Anyway, I had not been back very long from being re-called from the stike and picked up a Zurich trip.   It was summer and the weather was gorgeous.   We had a wonderful layover, but our FSM had dissapeared the night before with another crew (Other Airline) and we didn’t see him until pickup.   He didn’t look very “perky” that particular morning, and then told us about his unique experience the night before.   He had gone “Cow Teeping”. We had all gone to the pool to get some sun and “debrief” when we got in,   and that’s where he met the the OA crew and went to dinner with them.   Sometime during dinner they exchanged stories of growing up (He was Portugese, they were from the Midwest - farm country).   One of their pastimes (and maybe some of you have heard of this) was “Cow Tipping”.   Cows sleep standing up.   I guess the idea is to walk up to a sleeping cow and push it over.....REALLY!   After dinner and much vino they decided to try this with the cows behind the hotel.   It was very dark, and late.   They couldn’t see very well.   Our FSM made the grave mistake of picking the BULL to “Teep over”.   This bull was NOT happy about being woke up in the least and charged at him.   The fence around the coral was not that high, and mostly wood, BUT.......had a wire running across the top of it and YES FOLKS   had a small electrical current running through it. As he went to climb over the fence to escape the charging bull, he straddled the wire.   Now, I don’t care how small of a current it was - when it’s in your crotch it AIN’T TOO PLEASANT!!!!! He made it out without getting scored by the bull, but was walking funny for awhile!   I doubt very much he ever went COW TEEPING again! Lore

I had been flying for about a year and was talking to a first class passenger in seat 4c. I was buddy bidding with my roomate Kathleen , a stunning brunette. The gentleman had called me over to thank me for the great service. He said “You really do a great job, but why do you waste your time working here” You could do something that makes alot more money.”   A the same time Kathleen walked by me with a coffee pot and said “excuse me sweetie” and grabbed a handful of my butt as she passed. The passenger said”OK Never mind”  Linda

While in training in Kansas City, Kathleen, who would become my roommate in New York and I became quick friends. She was from a very affluent family in Houston and had the best of everything, the finest clothes etc. . One afternoon I went with her to a salon to have her hair done. It was from a full page add she found in Vogue. The cut was long in the back but very short bangs. It entailed them putting 6 different color shades to achieve a layered multicolor look. She paid $250.00 and was extemely thrilled by the cut. Sh looked exactly like the model in the picture,so she was very excited to show up with her new do saying” Well  what can they find wrong with this? Its straight out of Vogue”. When we arrived at the seminar I went to get us some coffee and asked her to go find us two seats together. As I approached the room she came running out. She said “you will not believe this” I went into the room and there was a huge poster in front of the room with pictures of “hair don't’s “   In the very middle of the poster was Kathleens haircut picture that she had just paid so dearly for. Needless to say the instructor had her re do it.      Barbara

 
One of the best things we ever served in F/C was the English Trifle on the Coast to Coast flights.   The Pax loved it.   So I can’t understand why no one is taking it.   I push the cart back to the galley thinking there will at least be plenty for the crew.   I then notice in the galley mirror that the entire front of my hair has whipped cream in it. Rhonda

Here’s one that was embarrasing for the supervisor. I had just transferred to STL from JFK and had been late for 2 flight. Thats only because I hadn’t yet learned where the hitchin post was in ST Louis to park my donkey in the employee lot..anyway....I was called into the office to see a supervisor. She proceeded to tell me how different things were here in STL, and unlike JFK, they would not put up with tardiness. She sat on the corner of the desk and said “See our job is very different from everyone else in the world. We work in an airplane, and our plane is our office, if you will. When regular people are late for work, they can still get to their office, no problem. When we are late however, our office has “taken off into the sky” and she makes a gesture with her hands like a plane taking off. I just stared at her in disbelief. She said do you understand? All I could say was   “uuhh huuhh” Leslie

Summer of 1973.... My new roommate, Nancy, and I are called out on resv. to work JFK-CDG.   Both new, & junior, we get stuck working F/C on full 747.   I didn’t know much about Nancy yet, except she was 4 years older than I, and had grown up all over the world as the daughter to someone in the diplomatic services (making her quite worldly in my eyes !).   Me, I’m barely 21, and just out of the ole cactus patch, having my first TWA interview in LAX the first time I had ever been out of little old Tucson, AZ.   I’m chicken to take on that F/C galley, & opt to work aisle.   Nancy’s working feverishly setting up the aisle.   I pick up the F/C menu and study it like a human anatomy textbook.   After takeoff, I’m working the appetizer cart.   I don’t have a clue as to what is what, but I’m asking if they would like some WHORE DE OVARIES, I have some PAAY-T, some little black egg things on toast, more SHAM PAG KNEE ?, some smoked fishy thing SALL MOON.   All the paxs are smiling up at me, I think I’m doing a TERRIFIC job !   After winging around F/C, I get back to the galley and find Nancy sitting on the spiral stairs, holding her legs tightly together, with tears running down her cheeks.   I was so concerned if she was OK.   She asked me if that was an act, or for real.   I had no idea what she was talking about.   (She DID finally explain !)   I was mortified to go out and pick up, so I made her switch positions with me !!      Deborah 

I remember those fuzzy layovers at the Continental on Guam and lots of other stuff in this thread including F/As flying the A/C.   One particular incident when I was a F/O on the 727 at LGA, the Captain calls A F/A to the cockpit and tells her his brother who is also a TWA Captain is meeting the A/C when we land at LGA.   He says we look exactly alike and to treat him real good, give him a hug,   when she opens the L1 door when we pull up to the jetway at LGA.   You could easily tell she thought he was full of BS.   So he pulls to the gate, jetway is pulled over and he moves the aircraft forward a bit, opens his window and tells the agent who is standing on the jetway to wait for him to open the door.   The agent is a bit perplexed but sees the Captain getting ready to exit his window onto the jetway.   That is exactly what he did and went over and opened the L1 door from the jetway.   Well of course A F/A sees “brother” on the jetway and can hardly believe it is true.   But she gives him a hug anyway having no idea that the Captain has pulled a fast on her.   We keep the story going.   She thinks this is the most incredulous thing she has had happen in her life.   It was a long time later she was told the truth.   This is the same Captain who would put a rubber chicken under the windshield wiper and tell tower and maintenance he had a bird strike. Carol 

On one particular flight I noticed a very cute man board and sit in my cabin section.   Being shy around men I am attracted to, I didn’t know how to go about to get him to notice me.   So I decided to give the most flamboyant demo of my life.   All smiles; some direct eye contact with him and a few of what probably looked like a Laker Cheerleader moves.   After what I thought was a FABOULOUS demo, he actually motioned for me to come over.   I leaned in to hear the words I wanted to hear… “Hi, my name is ----.   Would you like to meet me for drinks later?”   But what he actually said was, “Your fly is open!”   I bolted to the rear of the plane and never looked at him again for the rest of the flight.  Lynda 

About ten years ago the hotel in Lisbon had very interesting doors.   There were metal numbers on the side, a lighted doorbell and a big maids call-light on top. I had commuted from Denver and been up about 24 hours before getting to the hotel.   The crew has talked me into a train trip.   After two hours sleep, I slap myself awake and head to the lobby.   My eyes are so bloodshot I can hardly see and I am basically just out of it.   For no particular reason I am walking close the the wall instead of the center of the hallway.   Down at the far end of the hall a man is heading towards me heading to one of the first rooms. I am about 10 feet from him when he gets to his room.   Instead of going to his door he decides to stop in the middle of the hall and let me pass (remember I am hugging the wall).   Man facing busy door - you guessed it- I think it is the elevator so I go stand next to him.   So now the two of us are standing there facing his room.   He doesn’t know what to do and I am just not getting it. Quite a bit of time is passing and he starts squirming around.   I, on the otherhand, am checking my nails, looking at the doorbell and thinking he has definitely pushed the button, and actually wishing I didn’t have to ride the elevator with this wierdo who is acting strange - what’s with the squirming?   Finally, he looks over at me and says, “Well, do you want to come in”. It was like in the cartoons where the character suddenly realizes what they are seeing and the item enlarges and jumps out at them.   I look at the door and the bell and at him and I’m mortified and start mumbling about the elevator and run away with a really red face. I am sure he thought I was some 45 year old hooker trying to get in his room.   By the time I got to the lobby I was laughing so hard I could hardly tell the crew what happened. Rhonda

 Paris layover at the Concorde Lafayette. After a short nap I decided to go for a walk and enjoy the beautiful day and check out some menus posted on different restaurants to decide where to eat that night. I was wearing a Fredericks of Hollywood short dress of a chamois-type material with short slits up each side. I was bent over to read a menu on a restaurant window and the owner walked up next to me to unlock the door and go in. He said something to me, and not understanding French I just smiled and nodded and then continued with my walk. This walk took me through a construction area of road with lots of workers around. About a block after this rather expansive construction area I felt a draft and put my hand behind me to feel that my dress was up around my waist in the back. The front was where it was supposed to be due to the slits at the sides! I pulled it down and held on to it all the way back to the hotel where I immediately changed clothes and decided that a restaurant very far in the opposite direction would probably be the best place to have dinner! Always best to carry static guard when wearing certain material that clings to the panty hose.   Nancy

Being hi-jacked by a 17-year-old girl from Stl-Mci.   Said she was wired with dynamite.   Turns out, she wasn’t, but she kept me, Stella Thomas, the FBI, and everyone else jumping through hoops for 12 hours.   And since we were not “blocked in” you should have seen my expense check for that trip! Mona 

I flew quite a bit with my “best friend”, Jan Gianni.   We had a flight with a “down-home-farmer” type passenger.   Overalls, the accent, long gray beard, the whole bit.   We got a kick out of him because everytime he asked for something he would say, “hey little mama, ain’t ya got no ...?”   Ain’t ... milk? Or Ain’t ...window seat?   As Jan and I are sitting on our 707 jumpseat, the Lav door flies open, this guy is sitting on the pot and he says, “hey little mama, ain’t ya got no toilet paper?”   Jan said, No big daddy” and shut the door.   That was in the 70’s and Jan and I still ask things of each other with “hey little mama...   Edie